We were in our home for about two months when I realized a very important thing: I HATED our master bath layout. This was very disheartening because we had just BUILT the damn house and I had gone through a lot of design meetings and arguments to get everything that we wanted out of our home. And still it hadn’t occurred to me during all those design meetings that I could have asked WHY there were strange shaped closets and random slant doorways.

I assumed (incorrectly) that these “quirks” were put there by an engineer and not, in reality, a builder trying to utilize wasted space. Or whatever. I don’t know. That is the best explanation I have for the shape of our master closet. Let me illustrate.

After the first full year living in the house, I had Chad remove the closet door because it drove me crazy. The door was always in the way of the hamper and, when opened, covered the only spot where we could put a full length mirror. And there’s nothing but wasted space with all those corners and a 35-inch nook that is too small for a 3-foot elfa space and too large for a 2-foot elfa space.

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And while the closet is a huge pain in my ass, the worst is the bathroom with the tiny walkway where the GIANTLY LARGE BIGLY 8 foot vanity sits. Putting the person using the vanity to say, dry their hair, squarely in front of the closet entrance with no space to pass easily without squishing yourself against the vanity or backing into the er, private potty.

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Somehow, the largest crime is the base cabinet door on the right side doesn’t open all the way because it hits the slanted door frame.

Moving right along to other sins the bathroom has committed: the shower has a bench that takes up a good third of the shower floor space. But the shower and rain heads are centered on the shower stall. It was supposed to be a two person shower, but it all went to crap in the design process where I didn’t ask any questions about placements of shower heads and drains and the actual size of the bench.

So as not to appear entirely ungrateful, I do enjoy a section of the bathroom. The corner where we added a second window and a freestanding tub. It’s perfect.

The longer we’ve lived with the bathroom/closet, the more annoyed I’ve gotten. Then, while worrying about all the people with no jobs, no healthcare, and all the other crap that’s been keeping me awake every third night lately, I decided to just get up and do something until I was tired. Which is how I found myself drawing on some paper and finally had the a-ha moment about how we could fix the bathroom/closet and make it perfect.

I put the old and new layouts side by side for your convenience.

First of all, by moving the toilet into that weird L-shape, I get a rectangle closet. And a normal doorway. By moving the bathroom entrance a foot we get a larger shower – especially without the stupid bench. The vanity would be a standard 72″ double, which is more than enough space for us. The layout also leaves space for a small linen closet which we could use.

Since I wasn’t tired yet, I decided to fire up the old photoshop and make a mood board for the new bathroom. That won’t be renovated until I’m 90 because that is when Chad is going to be ready for that conversation.

Somehow, the wall color (BM Glass Slipper) that I picked when we were building the house worked so perfectly in the room that I am sticking with it. I’m slightly worried that changing the color of vanity from dark brown to white, might alter the perfection of said wall color. But it’s a jump I’m willing to make. I’m not entirely sure I need to change out the light fixtures, but I’m leaving the option open to switch out to one vanity light instead of two. I’m also excited to have “grown up” mirrors instead of the builder sheet that we currently have installed.

Since some tile will need to be pulled up to change the layout, I figured we may as well replace everything. Our current floor tile was on clearance at the time we picked it so I’m fairly certain I won’t find it again, and not exceptionally interested in trying. I’m also excited to have the shower floor tile something a little fun as opposed to square cuts from the wall tile.

Anyway, this is my solution to insomnia: dreaming up expensive and unnecessary projects that we won’t be able to afford this year. But for some reason it made me feel a million times better knowing I had solved at least one problem in this world. I was able to sleep three nights in a row after that, so it was not for nothing!